Journals22
Newest
2020
2 min read
I hope your 2020 is doing well, mine has been pretty boring. Anyways, got a new job a while ago in August because several doctors and nurses told me to QUIT the adult family home. I did, I am in a less stressful environment. People at work say otherwise but I feel my stress levels have gone down. Anyways, I also got a new kitten. She is a calico, she's about six months old. Her name is Mavis, yes after the movie. She loves to snuggle, purr, play, and look out the window. She has a thing for bugs and the strings on the lights in the living room and kitchen. There was a ladybug and she was playing with it for a good five minutes. My other two are getting along with her pretty well. Reese's, my oldest, is tolerating her. My other one, Angel, will cuddle up against her. Mavis wasn't feeling good one morning and Angel snuggled up against her <3 It was too cute.
I have been painting and drawing, just not posting which I have a bad habit of. Ready to file these tax returns and pay some bills :laugh:
My boyfriend and I had a huge fight over something, that I don't feel like discussing. I lost a friend over it as well,oh well. She was toxic anyways and bad for me. She kicked me out a while ago due to not giving her anymore free weed. BRUH. So again, we are not on talking terms. Which, I am not too upset about. I figured it was coming cause she's a bitch.
I've been okay otherwise, moods have been up and down and feel exhausted. I don't want to tell Christian cause he just doesn't understand. He does but doesn't , that doesn't make a lot of sense but does to me. I don't know, I'm coming down from a high.
Continue to 2020 we go
~Raven
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August 2019
2 min read
So I am planning on moving back to the town where I graduated High school in with my boyfriend. I do have a job lined up as well when I do make the move, same job but different hours and different place. I will have more steady hours and able to have more hours to make a living for myself. Even with all the stress, I am still happy to see him every two weeks and spend a weekend with him. He makes my heart flutter and i cant stop smiling when he is around me. anywho, mom tore her shoulder and after all different kinds of methods, she decided on surgery. It is set for August 15th at 10am.. I will be sleeping for work that day but her bf will keep me updated on what's going on. She is in constant pain and I feel bad that i cannot make the pain go away.
Anywho, it's finally august! happy august 1st everyone! My little brothers' birthdays are coming up, one will be 11 and one will be 10. The dates are the 5th and the 19th. They aren't with my mom this week so I am hoping she plans a little birthday so I can get them some presents and we can celebrate their birthday as a family
They are at camp this week and i hope they are having fun
I have been doing alright lately, been diagnosed with bipolar type 2, depression, and anxiety (have had depression and anxiety for a while). I dont get the mania part of feeling high on crack but I get very low when I do go down. I feel like im on a constant rollarcoaster of emotions and i dont want to live that way. when i do go on my downs, it's like going down at 70 mph and it just slams hard to the underground. It's hard to get back up sometimes. They did get me on new medications and they've been going well so far. Well I have to get going to work soon
Hope to see more art from everyone! I will try to post more soon
~Raven
Anywho, it's finally august! happy august 1st everyone! My little brothers' birthdays are coming up, one will be 11 and one will be 10. The dates are the 5th and the 19th. They aren't with my mom this week so I am hoping she plans a little birthday so I can get them some presents and we can celebrate their birthday as a family
They are at camp this week and i hope they are having funI have been doing alright lately, been diagnosed with bipolar type 2, depression, and anxiety (have had depression and anxiety for a while). I dont get the mania part of feeling high on crack but I get very low when I do go down. I feel like im on a constant rollarcoaster of emotions and i dont want to live that way. when i do go on my downs, it's like going down at 70 mph and it just slams hard to the underground. It's hard to get back up sometimes. They did get me on new medications and they've been going well so far. Well I have to get going to work soon
Hope to see more art from everyone! I will try to post more soon
~Raven
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Update on life
2 min read
So my mom's blood clot is doing a lot better. It's been about a month now since that, she has now hurt her shoulder, she tore something while at work. She may or may not have surgery for that.
I have been working weird hours due to all the light duty staff, so yay. I have been painting and trying to sell them as well, oh well if i dont, more for my mother. Anyways, things have been good. My boyfriend has been visiting every other weekend, we've been watching a lot of anime and just cuddling. It's been amazing every time
I've been on some new medications so my moods have been a little unstable lately, trying to see someone but no one is open and it's all based off referrals, which sucks. Maybe I'll see my old therapist..maybe. I want to get a proper diagnosis on my mental health cause honestly, i may have gotten a misdiagnosis on that, but I am not a doctor and honestly they didn't specify what kind of bi-polar i was. I think the main reason was due to my impulsive actions. I'm relating a lot more to BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) but what do I know?
I believe that because of my self harm past and my suicide attempts as well. BPD is more switching moods more often which is what my emotions do as well but sometimes I am in a manic stage for a long time which qualifies under Bipolar. I have no clue, hopefully I can figure it out so I can get on some better medications for myself and get healthier mentally.
Anywho
Love ya guys
~Raven
I have been working weird hours due to all the light duty staff, so yay. I have been painting and trying to sell them as well, oh well if i dont, more for my mother. Anyways, things have been good. My boyfriend has been visiting every other weekend, we've been watching a lot of anime and just cuddling. It's been amazing every time
I've been on some new medications so my moods have been a little unstable lately, trying to see someone but no one is open and it's all based off referrals, which sucks. Maybe I'll see my old therapist..maybe. I want to get a proper diagnosis on my mental health cause honestly, i may have gotten a misdiagnosis on that, but I am not a doctor and honestly they didn't specify what kind of bi-polar i was. I think the main reason was due to my impulsive actions. I'm relating a lot more to BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) but what do I know?
I believe that because of my self harm past and my suicide attempts as well. BPD is more switching moods more often which is what my emotions do as well but sometimes I am in a manic stage for a long time which qualifies under Bipolar. I have no clue, hopefully I can figure it out so I can get on some better medications for myself and get healthier mentally. Anywho
Love ya guys
~Raven
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*Important****
4 min read
Hey guys,
My mom was admitted to the hospital last Thursday due to a weird spot on her leg, found out it was a blood clot. The blood clot started from her groin to the middle of her calf on the left side. She has Factor V (definition: Factor V Leiden increases the chance of clumps of blood (clots) developing, which can be life-threatening. Women with the disorder risk developing blood clots during pregnancy or when taking the hormone estrogen.) and she just had surgery due to finding thyroid tumors in her uterus. She had a hysterectomy to make sure the tumors would not come back. Anyways, this is now on her six week from her surgery. I called in to work due to high anxiety (shaking and constant crying), I drove an hour in okay weather, more worse roads than weather. Told work that my mother was in the hospital and they made a huge deal about it. Like really? If she was not by herself in the hospital, I would have come in but she wasn't with someone else and if the worst happens, I can't just leave work. I work at an adult family home by myself during the night. It wouldn't work. So I stayed with her, she yelled at me for it. I didn't care, I was crying and shaking. I couldn't lose my best friend while I was feeling helpless at work, I rather lose sleep and make sure she's okay than be at work, constantly checking my phone. More worried about her than work itself. I am thankful for the girls who took my shift that night, they were troopers.
She was released Friday from the hospital with better medications and told about warnings and she was okay to go home. Anxiety down and happiness took over. Tonight around 8:30-9PM, she called me, which is odd at a late time like this, she asked if I or her bf could give her a ride to the ER and one would stay with my little brother. I asked what was going on and she said she talked to the nurse hotline about tingling and hotness in her left leg with the blood clot, the nurse told her to go to the nearest ER ASAP and if she could, call 911. Well, 911 wouldn't do anything because the nearest ER is 30 minutes away from us. Her boyfriend drove her to the ER and when I got to my nana's house, people were home with my little brother. It's now about 9:30PM, I haven't heard anything quite yet on my mother but she is with someone so anxiety is about a 7/10. I had a few cigars to have that sense of breathing techniques and on the phone with my boyfriend. He's amazing btw, he has to get up at 3AM and he's waiting for my mom to call me back about what's going on.
So please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers tonight and over the next few days. I hope it's nothing major and she can come home safe and sound. I can't lose my mother guys. She means everything to me thus the tattoos on my back for her.
A lighthouse to symbol how she is the light through my storms, helping me stir away before I crash. I wouldn't say that she s my rock because she doesn't just stand there to hold my hand, she has found her place in the world and she shows me the way through my storms. She's helping my ship find its island and its purpose.
A watercolor butterfly that is not filled in but she has the watercolor butterfly that is colored in. I will get pics for you guys later. But anyways, I am incomplete without her and together, we create something beautiful together. We need each other to understand the full picture, she may have found her colors for her butterfly but I need her to fill in my colors.
Anyways, sorry for the cheese of the tattoos. Thank you guys for reading. Hopefully my anxiety dies down tonight and I can get some sleep for work tomorrow.
Love you guys,
~Raven
My mom was admitted to the hospital last Thursday due to a weird spot on her leg, found out it was a blood clot. The blood clot started from her groin to the middle of her calf on the left side. She has Factor V (definition: Factor V Leiden increases the chance of clumps of blood (clots) developing, which can be life-threatening. Women with the disorder risk developing blood clots during pregnancy or when taking the hormone estrogen.) and she just had surgery due to finding thyroid tumors in her uterus. She had a hysterectomy to make sure the tumors would not come back. Anyways, this is now on her six week from her surgery. I called in to work due to high anxiety (shaking and constant crying), I drove an hour in okay weather, more worse roads than weather. Told work that my mother was in the hospital and they made a huge deal about it. Like really? If she was not by herself in the hospital, I would have come in but she wasn't with someone else and if the worst happens, I can't just leave work. I work at an adult family home by myself during the night. It wouldn't work. So I stayed with her, she yelled at me for it. I didn't care, I was crying and shaking. I couldn't lose my best friend while I was feeling helpless at work, I rather lose sleep and make sure she's okay than be at work, constantly checking my phone. More worried about her than work itself. I am thankful for the girls who took my shift that night, they were troopers.
She was released Friday from the hospital with better medications and told about warnings and she was okay to go home. Anxiety down and happiness took over. Tonight around 8:30-9PM, she called me, which is odd at a late time like this, she asked if I or her bf could give her a ride to the ER and one would stay with my little brother. I asked what was going on and she said she talked to the nurse hotline about tingling and hotness in her left leg with the blood clot, the nurse told her to go to the nearest ER ASAP and if she could, call 911. Well, 911 wouldn't do anything because the nearest ER is 30 minutes away from us. Her boyfriend drove her to the ER and when I got to my nana's house, people were home with my little brother. It's now about 9:30PM, I haven't heard anything quite yet on my mother but she is with someone so anxiety is about a 7/10. I had a few cigars to have that sense of breathing techniques and on the phone with my boyfriend. He's amazing btw, he has to get up at 3AM and he's waiting for my mom to call me back about what's going on.
So please keep my mom in your thoughts and prayers tonight and over the next few days. I hope it's nothing major and she can come home safe and sound. I can't lose my mother guys. She means everything to me thus the tattoos on my back for her.
A lighthouse to symbol how she is the light through my storms, helping me stir away before I crash. I wouldn't say that she s my rock because she doesn't just stand there to hold my hand, she has found her place in the world and she shows me the way through my storms. She's helping my ship find its island and its purpose.
A watercolor butterfly that is not filled in but she has the watercolor butterfly that is colored in. I will get pics for you guys later. But anyways, I am incomplete without her and together, we create something beautiful together. We need each other to understand the full picture, she may have found her colors for her butterfly but I need her to fill in my colors.
Anyways, sorry for the cheese of the tattoos. Thank you guys for reading. Hopefully my anxiety dies down tonight and I can get some sleep for work tomorrow.
Love you guys,
~Raven
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2 min read
Hey all!
You may follow me on Instagram -www.instagram.com/ravenpaw_100…
I have arts, sketches, videos, and other things posted on there if you would like to follow, heart, do whatever
Anyways
Work has been insane and I have been doing more sketching than actual finishing my drawings, so I usually post on instagram for my sketches. Lol.
I get to see my hunny this weekend and I cannot fucking wait <3 Work has been stressful and my boss started to talk down to my mom today and tell her what to do with her personal life, my mother hates that. At work is fine but don't tell my mom how to run her personal life, alright? My mom had surgery about a month ago and she laid off work for a bit to rest and take it easy, so I picked up more hours in her place. And with her gone, the place went to shit. People are stealing, lying, etc. and my PD (program director who is my mom's boss) doesn't give two shits cause she has a "second job" that she pays more attention to. She likes to pretend that she knows the consumers in the household when really she doesn't. And heaven forbid she's wrong about something. Anyways, I hope you all have a good rest of your week, I will try to post more things on here to keep up
Follow me on Insta.
Watch, favorite, comment, all that fun stuff
Thanks,
Love,
~Raven
Wattpad account: www.wattpad.com/user/Ereri1000
Insta: www.instagram.com/ravenpaw_100…
Youtube: https: www.youtube.com/user/Warriorsr…
You may follow me on Instagram -www.instagram.com/ravenpaw_100…
I have arts, sketches, videos, and other things posted on there if you would like to follow, heart, do whatever
Anyways
Work has been insane and I have been doing more sketching than actual finishing my drawings, so I usually post on instagram for my sketches. Lol.
I get to see my hunny this weekend and I cannot fucking wait <3
Work has been stressful and my boss started to talk down to my mom today and tell her what to do with her personal life, my mother hates that. At work is fine but don't tell my mom how to run her personal life, alright? My mom had surgery about a month ago and she laid off work for a bit to rest and take it easy, so I picked up more hours in her place. And with her gone, the place went to shit. People are stealing, lying, etc. and my PD (program director who is my mom's boss) doesn't give two shits cause she has a "second job" that she pays more attention to. She likes to pretend that she knows the consumers in the household when really she doesn't. And heaven forbid she's wrong about something. Anyways, I hope you all have a good rest of your week, I will try to post more things on here to keep up Follow me on Insta.
Watch, favorite, comment, all that fun stuff
Thanks,
Love,
~Raven
Wattpad account: www.wattpad.com/user/Ereri1000
Insta: www.instagram.com/ravenpaw_100…
Youtube: https: www.youtube.com/user/Warriorsr…
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